So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just gargled with NyQuil
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
