Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
