I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
