i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
