yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
