we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
