My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
