The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
