I wish I could punch you in the face.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
