So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
