Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
