I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
