I met the friendliest cop last night
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
