you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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