If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
