I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
