There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
50% drunk capacity currently
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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