see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
