I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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