There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
