Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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