i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
