I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
