Yo dont text me then not text me
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
