He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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