carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
