when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
