Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
being pregnant is like rehab
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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