Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
