we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
not ubering you a puppy
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
