Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
