i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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