Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
