Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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