apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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