I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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