We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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