I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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