I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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