the condom got lost in my hair
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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