fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
