Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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