By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
