Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
