my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
