Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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