she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
