I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
