So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
