saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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